cabeza y corazón
Jordan Brown

I would sit up waiting
Many nights in a row
At the generic kitchen table of a university-owned apartment
With salt and pepper,
Cayenne and garlic
And avocados
Waiting for you to bring the limes you swiped from your summer job
I would expectantly wait for my phone to ping
And it often would –
You would be getting out at 8:30 instead of 8
Then 9, then 10
Then you’d just go to bed
And many nights in a row
I would put away
The salt and pepper,
Cayenne and garlic
And avocados
And as the summer began to fade
The avocados slowly turned brown
And I did not have the luxury of money to waste
Both of us only made minimum wage
So I took
The salt and pepper,
Cayenne and garlic
And avocados
Mixed them up with store-brand lemon juice
Because I never did see those limes
I made guacamole without your guidance
Which up until this point
I had desired and trusted in so heavily that
I would sit up waiting
Many nights in a row
With salt and pepper,
Cayenne and garlic
And avocados