Congratulations, you’ve really done it now, you’re a royal screw up, you’ve made a really terrible horrible mistake and suddenly no one in the world likes you anymore (Alone Again, Naturally – Gilbert O’Sullivan) you want to punch something and you want to curse something else but mostly, mostly you just want to cry and you can’t cry now (Who’s Crying Now – Journey) because you don’t want other people to see you they can’t see you they can’t hear you you can’t let them see you weak (Helpless – Hamilton) but you can hear them now, their conversations crawling through the cracks of your room, invading your private panic — they’re giggling, laughing, joking and are they allowed to be this loud when you’re about to be eaten by the earth beneath your feet? That was a curse from Shakespeare, right? “Gape open wide and eat him quick”? Eat them quick. Those talkers outside who insist on invading your thoughts (Everybody Talks – Neon Trees) and can’t they just leave you alone? Because you can’t break free (I Want to Break Free – Queen) But now you’re standing in the shower trying to wash away the memories and you scrub them raw with all the flowery soap you own and it’s sweet and its comforting and oh my god you are ready to gag you know lavender is meant to be soothing but it’s sick and it can’t stop you now (Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen) because you can’t help replaying your life after making that choice because ultimately it’s easier to re-live than to continue living (Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees) with the decisions you’ve made and it’s so much easier to just sit on the wet floor and hug your knees to your chest (Under Pressure – Queen) against the water and in your head you’re jumping off cliffs like the lemmings that are supposed to commit suicide by jumping off cliffs but don’t actually commit suicide by jumping off cliffs — are we all lemmings jumping off cliffs? (Jump – Van Halen)
Don’t jump. Make new decisions and make a new playlist.